The Monk read-a-long, Weeks Four and Five, or Shit Goes Down At The Convent and I Finish This Crazy Book Once And For All

Subtly merging two posts into one, because sshh.

Theodore disguises himself to go to the convent and see what's really become of Agnes, because his master is too heartbroken to do anything. Theodore, you are the breakout star of this book. I love his ridiculous lies and weird stories about Denmark. Also, he gets results- in the form of a Secret Note. Oooh. Is Agnes secretly alive? (Spoiler: yes.)

Ambrosio is even more my least favourite person ever. Holy shit, what a dirtbag. He tries to rape Antonia (again) and then murders Elvira when she intervenes. At least he shows some guilt about it and it puts him out of his rapey mood. For that day, anyway. Holy shit.

Matthew Lewis continues his happy plagirism with a potion that will make Antonia seem dead, so that Ambrosio can happily rape her in the privacy of her own tomb.

This book. This fucking book.

Anyway, he rapes her in a seriously squicky scene and she dies, because obviously that's what happens. Lewis couldn't have let her live after she went and got herself raped, now could he? As for Lorenzo, he conveniently meets someone called Virginia- because she's a nice pure virgin who hasn't been raped, obvs- and he falls for her and they forget all about poor Antonia. Seriously, I know, product of its time and all that but blegh.

On a less depressing note, Lorenzo calls in the Spanish Inquisition. Were you expecting that? I sure wasn't.

Any excuse for Monty Python.

It's all for finding out what happened to Agnes, who, as we might have guessed by now, was being held prisoner in a dungeon and basically starved and left to give birth on her own. This is so nightmarish I can't even. Also, gotta love how the nuns are like "hey, we didn't want to leave her to die in the dungeon! We were going to poison her instead!"

I hate everyone in this book. 

At least Matilda and Ambrosio get their comeuppance? In a way that fits with the tone of the rest of the book, of course- Matilda being burnt at the stake and Ambrosio, umm, being dropped onto rocks by Satan. Nice one, Matthew. 

So that was The Monk! Holy shit, what a crazy book. It's absolutely terrible, but I think I sort of loved it? Thanks Alice for hosting! Here's some of my favourite Nevilles I never found room for.